A new study by biologists at Oxford University has concluded that, rather than being their own species, babies are in fact very young human beings. 
A new study by biologists at Oxford University has concluded that, rather than being their own species, babies are in fact very young human beings. This report blows away the conventional scientific understanding of what babies are, and has profound implications for the study of human biology. 
 
Details of the study were first released during a press conference in London on Friday. At the conference a scientist amazed the assembled journalists by holding up a baby and shouting ‘one day this will look roughly like me’ though added that it was unlikely to end up with ‘quite as many duelling scars’. 
 
The lead scientist explained that ‘detailed comparison’ of baby and fully-grown human DNA had revealed that ‘they are in fact the same species’. She added that this had overturned the traditional scientific consensus that babies are ‘a different and less evolved species of ape’ which evolutionarily occupy a place ‘somewhere between Homo sapiens and monkeys’. 
 
The scientist noted that babies grow ‘over time’ reaching the size of a ‘full adult human’ at around 18 years of age. She added that during this time the babies mental faculties tend to ‘develop substantially’, though there are exceptions to this ‘as in the case of the current President of the United States of America’. 
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