Barack Obama spending his time fighting crime dressed as a bat
Posted on 10th March 2017 at 13:10
It’s been revealed that former US President Barack Obama now spends his time fighting crime in New York whilst dressed as a bat.
Its been revealed that former US President Barack Obama now spends his time fighting crime in New York whilst dressed as a bat. The news was announced at an NYPD press conference by Police Commissioner James O’Neill, who described Obama’s efforts as ‘very unhelpful’ and urged him to ‘please stop’.
O’Neill explained that Obama had taken up his ‘new hobby’ shortly after the inauguration of President Trump on January 20. He noted that initially Obama focused on traffic violations, but has recently expanded his remit to include other minor crimes such as ‘unreasonable noise and public urination’.
The Police Commissioner stated that the issue had ‘first come to his attention’ after a man was ‘violently assaulted’ by a figure dressed entirely in black, who accused him of failing to pay a parking fine. The victim, 29 year old Chuck Johnson, described how he was ‘repeatedly punched’ by a cloaked figure whose face was covered with a mask. When Chuck asked his assailant to identify himself he simply replied ‘I’m batman’. However Chuck told the police that he was ‘pretty sure’ it was ‘President Obama’, especially as the masked figure ‘spent about 10 minutes defending Obamacare’.
British actor Sir Michael Caine has also reported ‘a sustained campaign of harassment’ from Obama dressed as a bat, noting that Obama seems ‘absolutely convinced that I’m his butler’. He explained that Obama keeps turning up at his home ‘often injured and in the middle of the night’ demanding that ‘I cook his dinner and wash his suits’. Caine added that he finds this behaviour ‘highly irritating’. When asked to explain Obama’s behaviour Caine replied that ‘I don’t really understand some people’ before adding that ‘I guess some men just want to watch the world burn’.
We contacted Obama via an undisclosed source, asking him to explain his behaviour. A week later we received a reply stating ‘it’s not who I am underneath, but what I do, that defines me’.
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